I have no idea how a narcissist is created but I recognise being a target of one when I innocently caused them frustration by not pandering to their inflated sense of self-importance. It was not a good experience and left me feeling worthless, it was a relative and my instinct was to cut myself off from them in order to protect myself emotionally. No matter what I knew there was never going to be a good outcome from the situation but in the end we have a responsibility to protect ourselves and sometimes removing yourself from the person is the only solution.
The reason people become narcissists is not shame, although a covert narcissist may have shame. It is parroted over and over on every podcast on narcissism, and it is a myth. Narcissists focus on getting what they want, regardless of if it hurts others or not. They are extremely selfish people. Children are selfish and have to be trained not to be. It is amazing how many parents do not emphasize character formation in child rearing and are primarily focused on academic success. Narcissism is a spiritual deficiency, where the ego rules. The psychologist George Simon explains well that emotional damage is not the root cause of narcissism. Narcissism is an expression of unbridled aggression to extract resources and exert control.
Rita, I’m no expert but you may be referring to a similar psychological flaw, psychopathy
Together with Machiavellianism, the 3 make up the “dark triad.” The three share some common core, particularly they tend to behave similarly, but I think the three have slightly different causes and motivations.
Right, but the cause of the dark triad is not shame, at least not the flawed belief in unworthiness that we associate with childhood shame. A malignant narcissist will have subconscious shame, but it is the legitimate shame from mistreating others that they sublimate, but it is in the background, so they then try to expunge it through scapegoating.
While the premise for Narcissism is true, how Narcissists are created is mostly wrong. Why do I state this ? Many psychologists believe that the majority or Narcissists with an ever increasing numbers, are due to shaming & ill treatment. Quite the opposite is TRUE. I know from experiencing a Maligant Narcissist father & Covert Narcissist wives. In all of their growing up, they were treated with kit gloves, giving EVERYTHING THEY WANTED; due to either adults misunderstanding from prior experiences to make up for UNKNOWN or KNOWN tragedies; or chosen by an adult caretaker to be the Golden Child. My Malignant Narcissist father had his sister die while they were being raised by external family; and he got EVERYTHING HE WANTED. The same is true for my Covert Narcissist wives who were the Golden child of their families; & did whatever they wanted. I MUST STATE CATEGORICALLY, THAT THEY WERE NEVER DISCIPLINED let alone received any correction for ill treating others & animals, behavior, & actions. MOREOVER, when it came to education, these caretaker adults would either defend the child or CONDEMNED the teacher or administration for disciplining that child for bad behavior & actions on other children, teachers, & staff.. YES, they NEVER SUBMITTED; they Surrendered Temporarily until they could devise a way to 'GET BACK' at whoever humiliated them. Thankfully, they are OUT OF MY LIFE; allowing me to recognize Narcissists wherever I am at, to avoid them as much as possible.
Which leads me to today's ever increasing numbers of Narcissists: They are no longer disciplined at school; and are coddled while the victims are pushed aside to fend for themselves. I know I instructed in K-12, Bachelor's & Graduate programs, as well as numerous military & private institutions; as well as co-parenting my children with a Covert Narcissist. Today's public education, & education in general, is a JOKE. Dumbing Down is very rampant. When college kids do NOT KNOW how to add, write English (we're talking born in the USA without supposed mental deficiencies), History, & Science. It is very disheartening that this new, vastly larger & ever increasing numbers of Narcissists are CRETANS; without any manner or way to change them from their institutionalized indoctrination affecting all youth, to become Narcissists to cope with their mistreatments by REAL Narcissists & institutions.
I have no idea how a narcissist is created but I recognise being a target of one when I innocently caused them frustration by not pandering to their inflated sense of self-importance. It was not a good experience and left me feeling worthless, it was a relative and my instinct was to cut myself off from them in order to protect myself emotionally. No matter what I knew there was never going to be a good outcome from the situation but in the end we have a responsibility to protect ourselves and sometimes removing yourself from the person is the only solution.
The reason people become narcissists is not shame, although a covert narcissist may have shame. It is parroted over and over on every podcast on narcissism, and it is a myth. Narcissists focus on getting what they want, regardless of if it hurts others or not. They are extremely selfish people. Children are selfish and have to be trained not to be. It is amazing how many parents do not emphasize character formation in child rearing and are primarily focused on academic success. Narcissism is a spiritual deficiency, where the ego rules. The psychologist George Simon explains well that emotional damage is not the root cause of narcissism. Narcissism is an expression of unbridled aggression to extract resources and exert control.
Rita, I’m no expert but you may be referring to a similar psychological flaw, psychopathy
Together with Machiavellianism, the 3 make up the “dark triad.” The three share some common core, particularly they tend to behave similarly, but I think the three have slightly different causes and motivations.
Right, but the cause of the dark triad is not shame, at least not the flawed belief in unworthiness that we associate with childhood shame. A malignant narcissist will have subconscious shame, but it is the legitimate shame from mistreating others that they sublimate, but it is in the background, so they then try to expunge it through scapegoating.
While the premise for Narcissism is true, how Narcissists are created is mostly wrong. Why do I state this ? Many psychologists believe that the majority or Narcissists with an ever increasing numbers, are due to shaming & ill treatment. Quite the opposite is TRUE. I know from experiencing a Maligant Narcissist father & Covert Narcissist wives. In all of their growing up, they were treated with kit gloves, giving EVERYTHING THEY WANTED; due to either adults misunderstanding from prior experiences to make up for UNKNOWN or KNOWN tragedies; or chosen by an adult caretaker to be the Golden Child. My Malignant Narcissist father had his sister die while they were being raised by external family; and he got EVERYTHING HE WANTED. The same is true for my Covert Narcissist wives who were the Golden child of their families; & did whatever they wanted. I MUST STATE CATEGORICALLY, THAT THEY WERE NEVER DISCIPLINED let alone received any correction for ill treating others & animals, behavior, & actions. MOREOVER, when it came to education, these caretaker adults would either defend the child or CONDEMNED the teacher or administration for disciplining that child for bad behavior & actions on other children, teachers, & staff.. YES, they NEVER SUBMITTED; they Surrendered Temporarily until they could devise a way to 'GET BACK' at whoever humiliated them. Thankfully, they are OUT OF MY LIFE; allowing me to recognize Narcissists wherever I am at, to avoid them as much as possible.
Which leads me to today's ever increasing numbers of Narcissists: They are no longer disciplined at school; and are coddled while the victims are pushed aside to fend for themselves. I know I instructed in K-12, Bachelor's & Graduate programs, as well as numerous military & private institutions; as well as co-parenting my children with a Covert Narcissist. Today's public education, & education in general, is a JOKE. Dumbing Down is very rampant. When college kids do NOT KNOW how to add, write English (we're talking born in the USA without supposed mental deficiencies), History, & Science. It is very disheartening that this new, vastly larger & ever increasing numbers of Narcissists are CRETANS; without any manner or way to change them from their institutionalized indoctrination affecting all youth, to become Narcissists to cope with their mistreatments by REAL Narcissists & institutions.